Being Torn Stinks

So many times I wish my life would end. It’s odd because I really don’t want to pass on either. I keep this silly hope that it’s possible I could do something more. I feel like I’ve failed at everything. Having my first child taken because I let some jerk into my life who hurt him the first time I used his help babysitting. This jerk’s son I wound up carrying seeks to be in control even though he never met him. He hurts himself, me, his sisters. His sisters are starting to follow his cues. I have no work, no home, my family doesn’t care what happens to me. As much as I want to try, I don’t. I want to leave this world. I’m feel so hopeless. My kids don’t seem to need me, they do the opposite of whatever I say anyway. I’m tired of just existing.

Get With The Times

We all know the best places to shop for your community are the local stores and  fresh markets. It helps to keep your community going strong when you shop within it. However, if you have to shop at a brand, most of us nowadays want to do so with convenience. One aspect of that convenience is being able to use your smartphone to get quick coupons for some items and businesses or being able to use gift card apps instead of having to keep the fat wallets. I have shopped at places that offer store specific coupons via the smartphone or internet, but the store personnel have no idea what to do with it. All stores should be training their employees in the technology they use, and keeping up with the times. If you are part of a large chain, your employees should know if they scan a gift card or coupon from the app it is available on or key in some numbers! Your store should also have scanners that work properly! Your chain makes enough money. If they don’t, they can close down the stores they aren’t worried about keeping in operational order. I know managers have a lot of behind the scenes things to take care of, but there should be other competent people there who aren’t just sitting around having a chat in the office while there is work to be done, or continued learning to keep up with. Just my two cents.

The Money Pit

This house has become a money pit and we can no longer afford to keep up with it. We couldn’t keep up with it before really but now its too much.. This Winter has burst the pipes more than once. The most recent being just this morning. The furnace stopped working last winter. Our washing machine has frozen. We couldn’t keep up with taxes so it’s is being sold at auction on the 25th. I hope no one is stupid enough to buy this place. It has more problems we can’t even figure out. We have no where else to go right now but this is not a good place to live unless you have a lot of money to just about rebuild it.

Checking Credit`

It’s always a good idea to do that yearly check. I just found out that I somehow racked up a $196 bill with Doubleday Book Club in late 2012 even though I had no such account at the time. I didn’t receive any books anyhow. Also, somehow I racked up scholastic books at the time too. Only thing I can’t check is where the hell they supposedly went. I haven’t received any books from any club for several years and never left those unpaid so have no idea what this crap is. I know I’ve got to write the credit bureaus but don’t want to deal with it.

This District

This school district constantly gets on my nerves. As with everything, there are those who are intelligent enough, but that’s not what I get to deal with personally. Every week my kids bring home a “Wednesday Folder”, which contains stuff for the parents. Sometimes I get papers my children have turned in, newsletters about what’s going on, and a myriad of garbage.

I enjoy seeing my children’s old work, even though I hate the fact that the teacher doesn’t check-mark it or anything so I know my kid didn’t just stick something there that they didn’t want to turn in. No grades or marking so I know they actually looked at it.

I actually read the newsletter once my children have gone to bed, unless they didn’t give it to me. Most of it being the same information every week, with just a few new little tidbits. I then scan them into the computer and get rid of the original because I hate having all that clutter around the house(I do this with much of the old work too).

Then, there is all this junk in the folder that I could care less about. Sports events, carnivals at the school, volunteering. Now don’t get me totally wrong here, if I liked the school I would care. I did volunteer for a couple of teachers at the school my children were at before moving to this district. I grew up there and was actually treated with respect so had the want to help them. If their future schools show more respect I will again. I have specifically asked one teacher to stop sending this crap because I get double sets of the same thing. Every week I see all that waste of paper. I won’t do the door-to-door fundraisers either because it feels unsafe. Why not just put the information for this into the newsletter and have people ask for the sign-up sheets?

Can’t Wait to Move

We’re already packing. even though we don’t officially have a place to go to yet. We have a place in mind, but have been unable to contact the real estate company that is selling it. That part is bumming us out right now but we’re enthused about every other aspect of it. They have no way to contact them as I can find other than an address. This city has been our own little slice of hell for so many reasons.

The schools here (at least the elementary schools) are pretty stuck up in their way of looking at someone with health and other issues. Maybe it’s because they don’t actually know what’s wrong with you but it’s not as if they care either. At least one woman at one of these schools loves to tell her side of what my story is to everyone she thinks will put me into problems. It started the day I said I couldn’t stand the first school she was in because they are much less professional than the elementary school I went to as a child and my kids went to for a few years. Some of them don’t answer emails and one has said it’s because she doesn’t like putting certain things into emails. My opinion is that the ones who won’t answer through emails don’t because it’s the only tangible way to prove what has been said. People enjoy being able to say things aloud and make you feel belittled, but don’t like to leave a paper trail.
There are some good things and great people here, but not enough to want to stay. We aspire to become as self-sufficient as possible, considering our reliance on the internet it won’t be completely so, but there is much we want to cut down on otherwise; To be in a somewhat laid back atmosphere with hopes that the children will calm down and be happier. The kids don’t seem  to be pacified by, or appreciate, much of what they are given. We hope that will change with this new area. If all goes right, they’ll have a fenced in yard, more time outside, and more family members closer in proximity (but not so close that it smothers us all). The overall area is cheaper living than here as well, which should add to the quality of living.

That’s my thought for today. I’m hopeful. Have a great day!

Thank You Elmira Police Department

My son and step-son tried to runaway this morning and the police officer we spoke to found them.  I’m glad he found my boys, although my boys are trying to say I hit them with objects again to the police officers. According to my son, I have went after him with a knife(past), hit him with a mop(past) and now I’ve supposedly hit them both with the curtain rods they played sword fighting with and ruined. These boys have busted out windows in this house, now we have a letter from code saying we have to fix those windows and we can’t afford to. We are moving soon I hope. Although it won’t make the boys trying to hurt us any better. At least the area should be a more comfortable place to live for all of us.

Update (2/24/2015): I edited something out of this and am adding that my son saw his psychiatrist yesterday afternoon. He is now being prescribed depression medication and it was explained to me that my son doesn’t think the way I feel he does. I guess the problem is that he doesn’t really think, he is impulsive. It still doesn’t explain the things he says about me. That was actually explained to me but now that I’m not a complete wreck about yesterday’s events, I don’t remember much of what I talked about with his psychiatrist and case manager. That’s going to be the biggest issue about moving, losing this awesome case manager he has. She really seems to know just about everything. She has been a big path of information for us.

Update: On 3/2/2015 we got a call from the police department at about 5:30 am. They had our boys at the station because they tried again. They keep trying to make it to some kids home that one of them know. This time they both told the police that they lived with my fiance’s ex wife and were her kids. If they were caught thirty minutes earlier, they would have wound up with community service for breaking curfew. I know this sounds bad, but I wish they had been caught earlier. They never learn from the consequences we give, maybe getting them from someone else would change the attitudes.

Homeschool Resource

I don’t know how many people know about this, but McGraw-Hill and Glencoe (makers of most of the school textbooks) have some great interactive online resources. For a free resource from a major textbook company, they are absolutely wonderful.

I also found this from Orange County, Florida. I have to say they have more resources online than I can find in any other school district I’ve looked for. Not that I can’t find tons of resources, but this is something with the school district’s mark on it.

I FEEL NYSEG IS A CRIMINAL COMPANY

Why? Because they have been overcharging our gas usage this winter. Last winter, our furnace broke down. The blower broke and it costs too much to get it fixed. We started taking down parts of the pipes that the heat flows through as well. So we are definitely not using that thing this winter. Maybe it spikes a little during November when we are cooking more for thanksgiving. Our washer has frozen so we aren’t using the gas dryer as often either. The heating element on the oven broke, so guess what, that’s not being used much either. However, our Gas usage says 444.9 therms for January 2015. During the month of August we actually used the dryer so how is it more during the winter than when we are using one appliance less? When we try to ask them about it, and specifically asked them to actually read the meters, we get a run-around of excuses. We’ve had to go through HEAP twice to keep the power on as my fiance is out of work and I don’t have a lot of it. The last time he spoke to NYSEG he was told he could pay around $400 to keep the power on this month while we work it out. When he calls to get the exact amount, they say it’s $1300 to keep the power on. Considering at least half of our bill is a farce, WTF!! We’ve been using energy-efficient quartz heaters so expected our power usage to spike a bit but not the gas.

Now they have a program called EAP for those who qualify for HEAP. A part of that program is arrears forgiveness. When he asked about that today on the phone, he was told we had to be caught up on the bill. How do you need arrears forgiveness if your bill is caught up? Also, on their website, they only give you half-assed information. I’m assuming this is so they can BS you however they want on the phone. I’m attaching pictures from the website. Can anyone make sense of this crap?

To People Harassing Orange County, FL Crossing Guards

So, I’m scrolling down facebook and see that someone has photographed my sister-in-law because she was sitting in her car waiting for her shift to start. This person (jerk more like) begins stopping traffic, pulls out the their phone, tells her to smile, and says they are reporting her. Now crossing guards, like any government employee, are not allowed to start their shifts early without permission from supervisors. So for you to be such a jerk to any crossing guard without knowing their rules makes you nothing more than a douche-bag. You want things changed, write petitions to the ones who make the rules. Don’t pick on the ones who do the job! Get over your high and mighty attitude with your service workers and do something about it with those who can make the damn rules! I know I repeated myself but it is becoming very clear that many people act without using their brains.