I had to take parenting classes a few months ago because one of the boys had gotten himself into trouble last summer. He gets counseling services, Intensive In Home services, and probation. When he was small, he was taught what you do and don’t do. I can speak from experience that kids will definitely only learn and follow what they want. It seems more like he will do the opposite of what I teach him. Or if I tell him I’m against something he is all for it. What I am taking away from all these services is that what I want for him and of him is irrelevant. But, of course, I’m a lousy person if he is doing wrong.
I saw this on Daddy and Mummy quotes yesterday:
I have always agreed with this kind of statement. I believe schools and some teachers overstep this boundary all too often. I’ve always felt that if you have an issue with something a parent does, you talk to them away from the kids. I try never to argue in front of my kids with another adult because it shows immaturity and is just plain rude.
All too often my feelings/wishes and beliefs are shot down by the people that are supposed to be helping, and most of the time right in front of my children. It’s been bugging me and I don’t have any more of a point to make (also lost my train of thought with all the obligations for the day) which means I’ll leave it at this. Just another rant.
I’ve been working on my blogger posts since that one has ads and a way to maybe make something without buying anything yet. I haven’t made enough to pay for a website or domain. Although, that is definitely something I wish to do. I am not asking for clicks, though, as I don’t want to get into any trouble and lose it.
I am working with a task based virtual assistant company and that’s not doing much for me yet because I’m still learning how to do some and my children don’t like my attention anywhere else. I enjoy it, but here are plenty of others working with it as well. I am also working on MTurk here and there. As well as being signed up with a few transcribing sites. By the way, working with several transcribing sites is not the best idea. I’ve noticed that each has different rules on how they want it done. It makes it a little too confusing. I do know the one I want to work with most once I get used to their scary looking sign up process for jobs.
I have a couple of YouTube channels. There’s my regular one that’s connected to my account and my gaming channel. My gaming channel won’t have uploads very often because I don’t get a lot of time on the consoles. I do love the games and have some videos to edit, but other things take more precedence.
Our boys are still having episodes of complete defiance and the seeming need to cause drama at home. This is pouring into the youngest child’s behavior now and I am going to seek counseling for her. There’s been a lot of family drama in the past few years. I have several drafts started in this that I’ll need to look at and see if they’re worth publishing at this point.
There has been so much chaos in our family that I keep telling myself I’m going to try to be positive. If that works again, I’ll definitely let the world know. For now, it’s just hopes. That’s all I have any clear enough thoughts to update at the moment. I am going to be more regular soon.
First, I want to apologize that I’m not more consistent. If any of you are like me, the more consistent bloggers are hard to keep up with. I don’t have time to go through all the blogs I like (or sometimes even a few) within a day. Sometimes I feel rather lazy because of it being such a simple thing to read and yet so hard to get to in a day.
For the most part, this has been a pretty good month. There has still been some terrible things, but the kids have been more cooperative since we started them on a relatively lenient schedule and I’ve gotten lots of things done(with the help of the service our boys have been enrolled in).
The bad: found out my boyfriend has Lyme Disease and almost couldn’t get his meds twice. We did because of the kindheartedness and compassion of a nurse he spoke with and to her we are very grateful. He has applied for medicaid but apparently they are having some changes and haven’t fully approved his application. Sounds almost like there isn’t anyone available to get it done. He is trying to find other work but it’s an area with not much selection. I’ll be glad when we move(he has something lined up there).
I have started selling all the excess we have on Ebay and can almost cover my half of the bills some months(can’t wait until I can safely be off government services).Although I still can’t quite cover the bills and also need to be able to pay on my child support for my oldest son so I’m definitely not gloating. All I’ve been selling is what my girls grow out of that has stayed in good condition and the Avon stuff I still have from when I tried to do that as a business. I am deeply in debt from college financial aid, child support, and not being able to have full time employment for quite some time. I aim to be completely self-sufficient as my kids and a good job don’t seem to coincide with each other for their demands of my time. I value my family more than a job and will not be at work outside of the home for someone else to raise my babies. It’s bad enough for me not to even have the opportunity to see one of my four biological children. He probably has some animosity towards me at this point and I certainly don’t blame him. Trying to make it without my mother to do all she did for me creates some serious setbacks on time and ability to see him. It’s all on me though.I have to focus on the ones that are with me more at this point and strive to pay his father the money I owe in child support, then I can see if he’d like to spend some time with me. I really am glad he has his father to take care of him as it would have been a lot harder for me to do. I know that now seeing what I have to deal with for my other son. I think in some cases it’s better for a boy to be with his father.
My boyfriend and I have both decided to home-school our boys. Both his boy and mine are really excited by the idea because both had been picked on and borderline bullied. Also, we do know our boys better than the school system and feel they would be better served with the time they’d spend with their respective parent. That undivided attention will help them and probably get on their nerves at some point.The daily schedule for the household has helped all of the children to listen better and to be a little more cooperative. I know there will be days when it is harder for them to cooperate than others but it has done a lot of good for them. I even get a chance to read one of the many books every so often. That hasn’t happened since they were born because they get so loud with play and want all attention. With this, they get attention in increments, but are busy when not.
The service our boys are in took a lot of the families to a water park yesterday. It was nice to get out together(most of us anyway…two had to stay with grandma for personal reasons) and actually have fun! The boys didn’t complain, which is awesome because they usually have a complaint about something. It was really fun and not something we’d get to do otherwise in our current situation.
I know I’m forgetting some of what I wanted to say, although, it may have been too much as well. I sometimes wonder why anyone would read my blog as most of it is complaints about one thing or another. I keep it up because I know how I feel when I see that someone has dealt with the same things I have in reading other blogs. I know I’m not the only ones who goes through, or has gone through the issues I talk about. I also know it helps to see that there are others who know what you are going through even if they don’t understand your exact feelings towards it or feel the same as you during the situation.
My son, as I’ve stated before, has issues. What cause them I honestly don’t know, there can be so many things that’ve happened to cause them. He was in a service called Children’s Integrated Services, we had a nice worker who got married and left for her husband’s career. The supervisor(I think) took over for her and sucked in my opinion at doing her job. We went after what is called SPOA(no idea wtf the acronym is) and he was refused because my boyfriend’s son has similar services. Also, because we live in the same household(although we run everything separately for the most part), my son has been dropped from his services. Now, while my boyfriend’s son’s service can integrate him to an extent, it will not be inclusive enough from the sound of it and my son will be lost in the mix. A shadow to my boyfriend’s son even though he needs just about as much help. While this is still nicer than my growing up where things like this were almost non-existent, it’s crap. Why does one child have to lose for another? Even when they are actual siblings. We are not married, we have our OWN things to take care of but try to create a family setting with these children and the government programs drop my son because we live with another child like him. The government crap here is forcing me to rely on my man when I was raised to be independent of a partner. While I do love him, there is no guarantees of everlasting in life and something can be gone in an instant. If he were to pass away(God forbid) or we split I’d no longer have his children either, or this home. I’d be forced to start this again from scratch. Life isn’t fair, I know this. This doesn’t show to be a help as much as it was an intrusion now. They came in, looked down on me from their prejudgments based on the school, told me what I was going to do and how shitty they thought I was, then just disappear.
I found out CPS also thinks I don’t supervise the children enough. I’m home pretty much all the time. Dealing with one argument or another and mediating or administering punishment, I barely get to leave the house because no one watches the children as often as needed. But I don’t supervise enough. I don’t take naps as much as I feel I need them some days for fear something will happen. Right now I’m sick with a fever and and can barely breathe or speak but not resting. But I don’t supervise enough. My boyfriend works during the prime hours of the day. He sleeps a bit later because the littlest ones keep us up until at least midnight every night and he has to work a hard and lousy job. I’m not working regularly because someone needs to be here with the kids. But it’s not enough. Nothing is ever enough for those outside looking in. We share our problems and many times all we get is someone looking down on us. They say God only gives you what you can handle, but I know that God gives people free will and those causing the problems are usually doing it because they have the need to control others. That is all I see this judgment and looking down on me as, a need to control me and my family. Not a care to help, but to hinder into submission. I do not submit. I will continue to not rest, I can rest when I die. The kids are worth it. But I will also continue to be me and not submit to domination.
Say Goodbye to Survival Mode by Crystal Paine.
I am subscribed to a blog called Money Saving Mom by Crystal Paine, which of course is good for dads too. Nowadays all of these things really go well for both because there are probably just as many fathers involved as moms. Anyhow, the woman who writes this blog also creates lists and charts to help others become the super-parent we all wish to be. You can view her blog using the link above. I thoroughly enjoy many of her posts. I read so much for ideas about things to help my children and myself do better and now this lovely woman has a book I’m excited to read. If I get the time to sit and read it anyway.
This statement on the page about her book caught my eye more than anything:
“You wake up tired. Your to-do list is too long. The commitments—and the laundry—are piling up, but your energy keeps dwindling. You feel like you’re simply making it through the days, not living or enjoying any part of them.”
This is exactly how I’ve felt for the past few years really. My mother passed on January 23, 2012. Since then, I’ve just been going through the motions of life for the most part. I’ve enjoyed some parts, but haven’t been able to cope well with the everyday and I’m a wreck when there is more stress and strife in the home. The opposition I am getting from outside the house is horrifying to me right now and I am always tired, even when I sleep enough. I love organization, always have. I used to be better at it but life seems to run you over at some point and it’s hard to realize until you’re about to break or have broken. I’m at that point, even though I have a wonderful man who tries to take some of the weight off my shoulders. He works full time, over that sometimes, and is tired as well. I still have one at home with four in school. All are fourteen and younger so there are the issues that go with that. Two of the children have serious behavior issues.
It’s hard, and I want to do better. I want us all to be able to live. Not just go through life, but really live it. I know you don’t have to be rich for that. I also know that it has to be about what is best for all of us, not what is best for those outside-looking-in. Although, their suggestions can be helpful, they aren’t always.
I am going to counseling and will also buy this book as soon as I have the money to spend, because I will feel less alone above all else. Seeing how someone else handled this state of being gives inspiration. It is called “Say Goodbye to Survival Mode” and, again, you can read more about it at that link above.
Turns out it’s basically a repeat of something called on me before. Which was proven to be a lie then so I wish I knew if it could be prosecuted. I got my letter in the mail today about what my son pulled at school according to everyone else. When it comes to things other kids say he said I tend not to believe it as much but when the teachers heard him I have no choice but to take their word for it.
However, today my son tells me that on the way to school this morning one of the neighbors yelled at him. I’m really tired of people thinking they have any right to threaten my son. I’ve told him all he is to say is to talk to his mother. They have not been in our life until the past year and have the audacity to think they have any bearing in his rearing. They are sadly mistaken.
Well, I was ignored as far as anything in writing about what happened with my son on Friday. In looking through laws it seems custodial interference may be the wrong wording so now I have some research on my hands. I have received absolutely no response concerning this.
Update 12/4/13 I did actually receive the letter roughly a week later in the mail. You’d think schools knew how to scan things in by now so that you get it that day. However, it seems the people we pay taxes to(in part from yearly taxes for us homeowners) like to show us we are not important. Though I guess I shouldn’t think this way since none of them can comprehend what a internet messaging number is.