Being Torn Stinks

So many times I wish my life would end. It’s odd because I really don’t want to pass on either. I keep this silly hope that it’s possible I could do something more. I feel like I’ve failed at everything. Having my first child taken because I let some jerk into my life who hurt him the first time I used his help babysitting. This jerk’s son I wound up carrying seeks to be in control even though he never met him. He hurts himself, me, his sisters. His sisters are starting to follow his cues. I have no work, no home, my family doesn’t care what happens to me. As much as I want to try, I don’t. I want to leave this world. I’m feel so hopeless. My kids don’t seem to need me, they do the opposite of whatever I say anyway. I’m tired of just existing.