Jealousy

This is such an interestingly annoying emotion. You can get jealous over the most stupid things. I have been catching myself doing so lately and am hating the emotion.The bad part is that even if you know you shouldn’t be, you can’t always help it.

In a way I sort of feel justified over the jealousy about my oldest son and a newer woman in his life calling herself his mom. I have always been the type not to want to replace a child’s mother if I am dating their father. I will not let the father call me mom to the child. That’s me though. I know that even though I had been the one taking care of the child for the most part in those situations, I am not their mother. I try not to be jealous of this because this woman is the one around my son much more often then I can even hope to be. However, the emotion is there nonetheless. I hate not being the one taking care of my son but decisions in the past determine your future and I have made some royally stupid ones.

The only things in my past that were not mistakes is the children I have had and I will never consider them so. No one can ever call the child they had a mistake in all honesty unless they were around when abortions were not available. I could have easily been able to do that and would have had the support of family for it because I was so young. I chose to have my babies and take care of them. I am one of those people that wishes I could change certain things about my past…most of all-the men I dated. Not all mind you but most. Then maybe I wouldn’t have to have this jealousy over the woman that gets the pleasure of being around my child daily while I can only have a few days here and there. Less then the courts would allow being that they are near 100 miles away from me and I do not own a car.

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